Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Tattletale Mom

I did it. I tattled. I tattled to another mom about her kid. This was really tough -- you just don't go messing where you shouldn't be messing, right? It's none of my business, who am I to judge/interpret parenting for someone else's kid, right? Yes, ALL of these thoughts went through my mind BUT these allegations were serious enough and if it was my daughter I would hope someone would reach out to me.

Teen informed me Friday that her best friend (BF) was smoking pot, tried cocaine, smoked cigarettes and was dating/sleeping with a 20 year old. Teen and her BF are also fighting so I took the information with a grain of salt. But she was insistent, she was scared for her friend and other teens confirmed this information as well. So I did it but I did so very cautiously. I did not accuse and I acknowledged that some of it may be made up due to the feuding between them. The two are feuding, according to Teen, because Teen yelled at BF for engaging in such activities. Now, I'm sure there was other drama involved for the yelling to happen in the first place but I believe Teen has genuine concern for her friend.

Let it be said that it was NEVER my intention to judge either parent or teen. BF is a sweet girl. She is/was one of our favorites. Each parent raises their kid as best they see fit and it's no business of mine to question that.

Within 10 minutes of me passing on the information to BF's mom she contacts me. She is taking the news somewhat well, naturally asking a lot of questions, confirming whether I knew they were feuding, etc. etc. I also expected some retaliation from her - asking me if I was aware of Teens doings and behaviors, did she admit to smoking too, etc. I did expect this but I didn't want to be put on the defensive either. I wasn't calling to be a "tattletale" I was calling out of genuine concern. I just wanted to pass on the information and as her parent, BF's mom can decide how best to handle it. That was it. But instead the conversation went into her feelings about Teen, what she felt was ok with, teens are going to experiment, they are going to have sex, etc. etc. I started to feel a bit uncomfortable because I did not want to get into a conversation of our opinions on these matters or into a well, my daughter this and my daughter that so I just said my "mmhmms", "ok's", and quite frankly I let her do most of the talking. I am fully aware that teens will experiment and I honestly thought that Teen would be the front runner in leading the pack of experimental adventures but so far she has happily proven me wrong. And I hope she continues to do so but in the meantime, I'm not stupid, and I will continue to be suspect of everything she does and everywhere she goes. I don't necessarily let on that I'm suspect because I want her to feel that we trust her. And I do trust her but she's also a teen, plain and simple. I mean, for goodness sakes, I was 14. I know what they are doing. 8th grade was by far my worst year and I'm thankful we made it through with Teen without any major issues. Now, I just need to worry about my other two kids.

So the purpose of my ramblings, I guess, is to find some sort of justification for "tattling" and to remind myself that I may easily get one of these tattletale calls one day and hopefully, I will be able to take the information constructively and act upon it appropriately.

***BTW - BF's mom found the cigarettes right where Teen said they would be. A part of me didn't want her to find them because I can only imagine what is going on at their house right now but for my Teen's sake, I'm glad she did.***


Danifred said...

You did the right thing, even if the BF's mother didn't seem rattled (which is ridiculous, in my opinion). You did the right thing!!!!!!!!!

Sunny said...

Good for you!! I think you did the right thing, too. Be proud!