So, today's the big day. I'm going in to file bankruptcy. It's funny, if this were to have happened to me 5-6 years ago, I would have been mortified, humiliated, embarrassed beyond belief. But now, I can't file fast enough. And even though I'm not exactly screaming this out loud for the entire world to know, I'm not hiding. It is what it is. As my priest told me a long time ago, "Life sucks sometimes, and for now, life sucks for you". Nice...coming from a priest but it made sense then and makes sense to me now. I'm still on a bit of an emotional roller coaster over the whole thing. On one side I'm so happy that we're going to finally be able to start closing the door on the past and moving forward with a clean slate (for the most part) but on the other end I'm scared of what is going to happen to my house. I found out yesterday that I am officially in foreclosure. Thankfully, there is no "auction" date set so I have time to refile my hardship letter etc. Don't know what happened to my first hardship letter but whatever.... at least now I can include G's offer letter and show that we can once again start making our payments. So, yes the bankruptcy can stall the foreclosure from moving forward. However, the lender can still go to the judge and pull it out of bankruptcy to move forward with the foreclosure. But as the attorney said, it will buy me time to collect pay stubs from G to validate his employment. I always knew this was a possibility but it never seemed real or perhaps, I just did not want to accept that it could actually happen. I had my emotional day yesterday, today I'm trying to tell myself that it's ok. All will be as it should be. If I have to lose my house, than that's ok. As I was reminded this morning by a sweet smile and cuddle from my son, I'm just losing a material thing...a big material thing but material nonetheless. I'm not losing what's most important....my family and my kids.
So there. It's done. I've said it. For now, I'm going to let this be enough and I'm going to focus my energy on having a great weekend at the river house with the family. Happy Memorial Weekend...the fun starts.....now.
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