Wednesday, May 6, 2009


Today, I feel like the weather, blah. My mood is blah, my weight is blah and today I definitely win the bad mommy award.

Mood - I don't know why other than it just being one of those days. The problem is, I really shouldn't feel this way. I had a perfect me day yesterday; the kids were in school, I didn't have any work to do so I spent the ENTIRE day working in my gardens. Quite honestly, nothing other than a full day of a luxury spa could top that. So, why the gloom? I don't know.

Weight - I've regained all of the weight I lost for the cruise. I really have no one to blame but myself. I eat a lot of carbs, I nibble all day and I don't exercise. I need to get motivated. Blah.....

Bad Mommy - having had a total me day yesterday I was mentally prepared and looking forward to spending today totally on my kids since they would be home with me for the day. But sometime between coffee and breakfast the blahness crept in and I ended up irritated with everything and everyone. The worst part is I pushed Seena off most of the day. The only thing she wanted from me was to play and I didn't until well into the afternoon. I even I tried practicing her letters and word identifications and was very unsuccessful. This of course, just made me even feel worse. I actually got angry at her for not knowing her letters and at her frustration for not wanting to try any longer. And naturally, as the day progresses I begin to feel the heaviness of guilt pressing down and settling in. I quite honestly believe that mommy's guilt is in the top 3 of worst feelings. I've always had big hopes and dreams of the kind of mommy I wanted to be but on days like today, I just don't feel I'm anywhere close.

Today's Blessing - Cousins came over for a play date and we literally walked in from being at the park seconds before the rain came in.

And now we have the sounds of food falling down off the shelves in the pantry....till tomorrow.

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