Momma, the 35 Year Old Dora

It took me awhile but I finally figured out why my son was so attached to Dora. Don't get me wrong, he has his favorite boy toys like cars and baby dolls but his favorite book is a Dora Choo Choo book and he sleeps holding a minature Dora figurerine (spelling?). I didn't get it, why Dora? And then one day out of the blue, while he was getting ready to nap and he was placing Dora next to him on the pillow, I asked him "who's that?". He responded, "Momma"

I suppose I can see the resemblance?

What do you think?

Don't Understand

I don't understand how a child that I love with all of my being can infuse me with such rage that I feel like my head is going to explode. I've NEVER known anger this way. Between the not listening, the warnings for punishments, the choices, the actual punishment and the subsequent whining, crying, screaming, crying and whining after the punishment I lose it. I honestly feel as if an angry beast is inside of me and all I want to do is scream. I know I must look like one when I've finally had it and I'm inches from Seena's face scolding her with my high pitched voice and telling her that I'm done, done, done, DONE and that I don't want anything to do with her for the rest of the night.

I don't understand.

How can I say and feel those things for something that is the most precious thing to me? Where does this anger come from? No one, not even my husband, has ever made me as mad as Seena does.

Is it the age? Is it normal?

I can see how people become abusive, when I get that angry that's all I want to do. I want to beat her, I want to beat my child. What is wrong with me?

I don't understand.

Before I went to Confession months ago, I contemplated whether I really needed to go. I wasn't a sinner. I didn't do bad things. I've never committed adultry and I certainly have never killed anyone, why did I need to go? Well, I learned that in fact I have committed all 10 mortal sins, even killing. I've killed in anger. I've killed my daughter's spirit with my anger. I may not resort to beating her but I certainly hurt her with my anger and my words.

What kind of mother am I?

I don't understand.

I don't understand how I can be engulfed with rage wanting to hurt my child one minute and then weeping over the pain I just caused the next.

I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.

Wordless Wednesday

Even under all of the weight of winter's heavy snow, little life's beauties survive and shows promise of sunnier days ahead...

Seena Smarty Pants

A sampling of some of Seena's Smarty Pants talk I was subjected to this past weekend.

In the midst of a sharing episode between Seena and AJ, I tried to explain to her (again) that AJ doesn't understand because he's 2. Seena's response, "Well, I hope he understands when he's 3!"

After being issued a strike 3 and realizing that it meant not getting any TV time for the evening, Seena began her tantrum and crying that I lied to her. See, normally Strike 3 means "no friends or playtime with friends" but since it was Sunday evening when the warning for the Strike 3 was given, I told Seena she would lose TV time if she got the Strike 3. Well, she got it and conveniently forgot that I told her the strike was for TV and not friends. Anyway, tantrum and arguing starts. I try, unsuccessfully, to remind her that I did warn her but she wanted no part of it and told me she didn't want to talk to me anymore and to leave her alone. I don't listen and try to explain further that I understood why she was angry but that she needed to stop arguing WITH ME. She shot back; "Well, just like I got in trouble for not listening to you, you are now doing the same thing and not listening TO ME". Aw, snap....did she just call me a hypocrite? Well, Ms. Smarty Pants proved her point and I apologized. That was SO not how I thought that situation was going to end.

Sunday's Adventure

In true JunoMom fashion I jam packed another day of activites for the kiddies. But as I reflect on yesterday, I really wish that things just lived up to my expectations, for once. I know the kids had fun and they could care less if things were more structured or if there was "more to it" but still, I get all excited thinking how great something is going to be and then it turns out to be nothing great. At least the kids got to run around outside and Seena got to see some "castles" as we drove through a very affluent neighborhood.

And our adventure begins....

Church - I take them, and as long as I bring a baggie of snacks for AJ, he can almost sit quietly through the entire mass. I forgot the snacks yesterday and of course that is the first thing he asks for when we sit in our usual spot in the back. I really didn't get much of the mass as I spent most of the time following AJ and keeping him out of the donuts that were meant for AFTER mass.

Maple Syrup Boil Down - I've been actually trying to go to this event for a few years now. The idea sounded great - showing everyone how maple syrup is made, colonial set-up, free cornbread and a tasting of the maple syrup. With Seena learning about George Washington, Abe Lincoln, Plymouth Rock and the Pilgrims, I thought this would be a fun way to visually see how things were like back then. Not so:

1st disappointment was there was only 1 blacksmith shop and the kids just weren't interested in the blacksmith making a sharp tool.

2nd disappointment - there was no taking maple syrup from the trees. The syrup was already boiling in a big pot. How much fun is it to watch a pot cook over a fire? They get to see that everyday at home. I suppose I should have paid more attention to the name of the event but seriously, I thought it would have entailed a little more than an actual boil down.

3rd disappointment - the maple syrup that we sampled was commerical. The honey we tried was from local bees.

Hightlight - I got a great picture of Seena and a hug from a random lady when she saw how frustrated I looked at watching my son scurry away only to trip over every rock he came across.

Chocolate Festival - next on the list was the Chocolate Lovers Festival. Of all the "events" scheduled for this festival only two stuck out as any interest to us; the Tasting (ahem, chocolate) and the Chocolate Creations gallery. They even advertised that one of the Food Network Challenge competitors would be there. I thought THIS would be great. Seena LOVES watching the FN Challenge shows, especially the cake decorating ones. She loved seeing the cakes so I thought she would love to see chocoate creations. Now, in my mind, I'm thinking these creations were going to look like what we see on TV, you know, Vegas style :) Not so. These creations, albiet a few from actual bakeries, were creations made by anyone but professionals. Some (2) were cute. Seena still enjoyed seeing the 5 or 6 that were displayed. Yes, you read correctly. There were only 5-6 creations displayed in the "showing".  I think Seena and I are going to enter next year just because.

The tasting wasn't much better. As I approached the Old Town Hall where the tasting was being held, I saw a line wrapping around the building. Now, a smart mom would have turned around and walked away. Not I. This was a chocolate tasting after all. Plus it was Sunday (a freebie day from Lent - it's true, I looked it up) and after depriving myself from sweets for 2 weeks, I was definitely going to get some!  Anyway, the place was a madhouse. It was jam packed, literally. It  may not have been as bad had I gone alone or with another adult who enjoyed chocolate as much as I do. I think I ended up eating more chocolate than the kids

Highlight here - dipping strawberries in the chocolate fountain. And I got to eat LOTS and LOTS of chocolate :)

Our Saturday(s)

A few weeks ago G asked why I just didn't write about what we did everyday. At first I thought it would be somewhat boring as there are days where either nothing really significant happens, the day is just too busy or AJ won't let me sit in front of the computer long enough to write something. Plus I don't have the gift of making the mundane interesting...I wish I did...

Anyway, now that G is working ALL.OF.THE.TIME and he misses out on so much, I may take him up on this. Plus, if I tried to tell him the events of the day in detail (like I love) his eyes would glaze over and he would tell me to "land the plane". So, this is for you G...and all the fun you missed out on yesterday ;)

I have to start off with G getting home at 4:00am from work. This is important for the simple fact that I purposely jam pack my mornings with out-of-the-house activities so that G can get some much needed sleep. For this week, I've added swimming to Seena's growing agenda. So, at 4:00am G comes home, I wake up and we exchange hellos, how was work, etc. I fall back to sleep only to be woken up at 6:00am by AJ.

By 8:50am we are out the door to go to Seena's first swim class. The class is only scheduled for 30 minutes but I packed my bathing suit and AJ's just in case. I was looking forward to letting AJ have some water time (san me) in the beach area at the pool while Seena took her class. Not so. Swim classes for all ages took up the ENTIRE pool area so we just got to watch. Thank goodness AJ actually sat through this without any issues. Afterwards we get ready to leave and I realized I forgot to pack toiletries for the ever so important after the pool shower. Had to borrow shampoo. Yes, I was that mom.

As we walked out of the locker, I stepped on the scale to see if my new Lent diet (no red meat or sweets) has done wonders to my weight. Not so. Not happy. We move on with my grumpy pants now on. Off to dance class.

We drop Seena off and AJ and I proceed to run an errand and then to Wegman's to get lunch. For whatever reason AJ does not like Wegmans. He can sit through grocery shopping almost anywhere except for Wegmans. I don't get it...but whatever we made it, barely. And just for a side note...why should healthy food be more expensive? Last week lunch was McD's. I spent about $6.50 for the kids. Our Wegman's lunch this week was almost $20.00; soup for the 3 of us, cornbread, salad for me and fruit for the kids. Not fair.

Pick up Seena from dance and we drive over to the local library to drop off books and hopefully find a picnic table to have lunch. My biggest mistake here was that I should have checked the weather for an update. I knew it was going to be in the 50s - perfect for a little outside lunch - what I didn't count on was the wind. A nice frosty wind. We find a picnic table (at the library) and get all set up. Soups are poured in cups and ready eat. Seena has to pee. Without fail..always happens. Repack all of the food minus one (hot) soup cup that has no lid that I carry in one hand and in the other I'm dragging (literally) a hungry toddler. We all finish our business and make it back to the table. And what a sight for sore eyes we were. It was so windy and so cold. Thank goodness I had towels, an emergency blanket and a bag of sweaters that need to go the dry cleaners in my car. I took it all out and wrapped my kids (and myself) in all of it. We looked like a bunch of hobos crouched over a hot fire, in our case hot soup. As soon as the soups were done we finished the rest of our food in the car.

Next on the list was TKD. By this point it's after lunch and AJ is ready for a much needed nap. Because we can't do this quite yet he rewards me with horrible stellar behavior during Seena's 30 minute class. Highlight here was G made a surprise visit. Seena was overjoyed!

We make it home (finally!) and AJ goes down quickly for a nap. Teen and I exchange words because she can't wait an extra 45 minutes to go to a friend's house so that I can get a quick run in, I make her clean her bathroom and vacuum, G leaves for work with Teen and I go outside to do some outdoor gardening chores.

AJ wakes up and we all go outside to play with all of the neighborhood kids that are out (love that I live in a neighborhood like this). Unfortunately, our outdoor fun time does not last long before Seena has an accident and takes a nose dive to the sidewalk. I was behind her when it happened and as soon as I saw her fall I instantly pictured a mangled face, missing teeth...the works. I run over to her (while carrying AJ and his wheely thing) and assess the damage. Thanfully, not too bad..phew! Painful...yes, screaming 5 year old... yes...but no serious damage.

The rest of the night was pretty typical with one exception. I decided to make some changes around the house...for me. See everyone in my house has their own "space". Not me. Now that G is gone most of the time and he got a new laptop from work, he no longer needs to be in the "office". So, I moved some things around and made the office "my space", complete with even my scrapbook supplies.

I know G won't be thrilled which is why I pretended to be asleep when he got home at 4:00am this morning and will be gone for most of the day today :)

AJ - 2.2

Thank goodness for Danifred to remind me what I should be keeping up with :)

AJ is 2 years and 2 months. If it wasn't for my lost metabolism and carbs, I wouldn't need to work out. The little tot has me running around all of the time! I'm either chasing him down the street, literally, chasing him around the house or running to keep him from falling, knocking down/over, spilling, dumping or eating. You would think my house was a prison the way he takes off as soon as he steps foot outside.

AJ is still a copy cat. He mimics everything Seena does. If she's practicing a dance move, so is he. My favorite is when Seena does a twirl-kick combo. AJ gets right in there and does his own version and then walks away so confident you would think he landed a perfect triple axle flip. It's so darn cute.

AJ's favorite activity is pulling off the couch pillows and jumping on them.

AJ can actually sit in time-out by himself now....for 20 seconds.

As much as I don't want him to grow any faster than he already is, I am looking forward to him getting just a little older so that I can put him in some sort of activity. I'm considering the little soccer programs for him but I know that there is a class at our local fitness center that incorporates all sports, not just soccer, but the age starts at 2 1/2. I also thought about swimming but I feel like it's a waste of money for his age. Any thoughts?

AJ has now officially crossed over into Picky Eater territory. He decides to eat his food by plate/bowl appeal now. Gone are the days where he would eat anything. Perfect example would be the spinach soup I made last week. It was very tasty, especially with Parmesan Cheese sprinkled in it. He took one look at the green liquid and wanted nothing to do with it.

And lastly, I'm starting to get a little concerned with his lack of words. He talks, he is my child, but he's not talking talking. I can understand him and I know what he wants but I feel like he's not exactly where he should be. Our daycare provider noted it as well as was going to keep an eye on it as well.

All in all; for all of his craziness, he is so sweet and loving. And so darn cute.