Going to School

After Seena was born my mom told me that she was worried about me being a mom. She worried that I would need "help" taking care of a baby. I can understand why she felt that way...I never really displayed any gaga feelings about having kids or kids in general...that was always my sister. I never really showed too much emotion about kids...didn't get what all of the commotion was about. Of course, I knew I wanted them and I wanted them sooner than later but other than that I didn't think I was going to be the mushy mom that I SO AM NOW. It's crazy, it really is. Kids change you. Mine have changed me. I used to only want 3 (which I have now) but now I want more. I want a whole house full and I want to be around kids and do things for them. I've been brainwashed by kid mania!!!

The mushiness has crept up on me. I was super emotional when I first had Seena but after that the whole mess with her apnea and RSV, I was ok. I calmed down for awhile. I didn't get emotional over daycare, I didn't get emotional about going back to work, I didn't get as emotional about having another baby, I definitely wasn't the crazy freak that I was with Seena with AJ. I've been much more relaxed there. And as Seena got older, I didn't get the emotional business of going to kindergarten. When I went to register her, I didn't get emotional...I was actually afraid that I wouldn't at all. Does that make me a bad mommy? Some people I know cried at registration. Why didn't I?

But as the day approaches I've been feeling the twinge of tears lurking in my eyes. I know Seena going to school is driving my wanting another baby. I don't want her to grow up. I don't want her to go to school. I don't.

And finally, the tears came. They came the day I had kindergarten orientation. They came all today just thinking that tomorrow was it. Tomorrow she's officially in school. And of course it didn't make it easier when we were getting ready for bed she looked up at me and said she was scared. Talk about pulling at your heart strings!!

So, I mustered up all of my super mommy strength and talked about all of the great things she'll do in school, that it's ok that she's scared, we talked about how all of the other kids are scared too because it's their first day too and we even talked about how lucky she was that she had a friend already in the class. And then I thought I would be a real super mom and tell her that I would be with her in her heart and if she ever got scared at school to close her eyes and she would see mommy smiling at her, telling her it was ok. Her response "that's not real mommy". That's pretend". And the little booger laughed. So much for that tender moment :)