The Birds, the Bees and Chicken

I know it's been eons but I had to write this down before I forgot.....

I heard Seena crying softly in her room. I thought it was because she was upset at our argument before bed but I was completely shocked by what was upsetting her.

Me: What's the matter, sugar.
Seena: I don't want to grow. I'm scared. I want to stay 5.

which then led to, what happens when you die? What do you in heaven? I don't want to die, I don't want to grow ....here is where I got instant tears....and somewhere in this conversation she brought up not wanting kids because she's scared of the hospital cutting her belly....?????

then, the question was how does God make us? ....Umm, so not ready for the bird and the bees conversation yet...So, I asked for further clarification, "Do you mean where did Aiden come from?" Seena replies, "no, how did God make us? Are we made from chicken?" Such sweet innocence...I don't want her to grow either....

Since I was not prepared to explain to my 5 year old the truth yet I reminded her of what we read in the Bible. God made a man and a woman, Adam and Eve, and everyone came from them.

That seemed to satisfy her for the moment and then she asked, "well, if everyone dies, what will happen to earth when everyone dies?"

Needless to say, this came out of total left field, but I think we ended the conservation with smiles and good thoughts.

Maybe seeing all my grey hairs popping up all over my head has her all up in arms? ;)

Sweet dreams....

No More Do-Si-Doe

Now that the school year is coming to a close...I have to take a moment to reflect on some of the major differences I've seen at Seena's school. It's amazing what these kids have at their fingertips now.

One of my biggest shocks was in Seena's gym class. (I think I've mentioned this before). Back in the day when I went to elementary school our curriculum included square dancing. Does anyone remember that? A little do-si-doe! Now the dance curriculum has been replaced with Dance Revolution! Each kid had his/her own mat and there were probably 50 kids in the room. It was quite a site!

One of Seena's encore classes (similar to electives) is computer lab!!! I know it's the "sign of the times" but it's incredible to me. It makes me wonder what it will be like when AJ is in kindergarten. Forget the computers, he'll be required to have a Smart Phone as part of his class materials.

The classes have smart boards...very cool.

This week was Space Week and there was a blow up planetarium that the kids got to go in and learn about space. Very, very cool!

Prior to the slashing of the counties school budgets, we almost had an Outdoor Science Lab complete with a full blown watershed. Our school would have been the first in the county to have this (darn!). I saw the proposed diagrams and design and it was pretty amazing. I know the PTA is trying to see if we can somehow still pay for it but I think it may be out of our reach...for now.

There's even kindergarten drama...and not the theater kind. Seena and her little gang of girls have already started with the whole "I'm not your friend"/"I'm your friend" drama. I thought this stuff didn't start until at least 6th grade!

But ultimately what amazes me the most is how much Seena is learning. She's learning to read and write, she's learning to add and subtract, she's learning about our presidents, tadpoles, Martin Luther King, Jr., counting to 100, counting backwards...the list just goes on. I really do hope Seena doesn't ever lose the love of learning.

Don't Even Know How to Start???

First off, I have to say that I'm almost embarrassed to actually start writing again....i don't even know how long it's been....3 weeks? And it's FLOWN by...it's been a whirlwind to say the least. Besides my allergies literally knocking me out last week I've barely had time to sit back and digest everything.

What I can say is that things are happening...and they are happening FAST! In as little as a few weeks, especially this one:

I've been thrown in the midst of LLCs, Article of Organizations, partnerships, cash flow projections, investors, operating agreements, peckers, wing fanatics and hope.
We've saved our home! Our loan has been officially modified!
Meetings, meetings and meetings... and meetings
I've died from my allergies
I've gain back all of the weight I thought I had lost.

And for all who know me and know me well, know that I do not wish bad things on anyone, not even my enemies. But I just recently learned that the man who ultimately was responsible for us losing our restaurant and ruining our lives, has finally had the tables turned on him. I secretely wished for this....I never prayed for it...I wouldn't do that but I did hope that he would one day feel bad for what he had done to us. And from what I understand, he has. And that makes me very happy.

Spring AKA Sugar Break 2010 (Part 3 of 3)

I realize it's a week later but it's been a bit hectic around here lately. I've had a lot of catching up to do and I can happily say that I'm 90% there! Yeah! So, without further ado..

The last part of our Sugar Fest was Easter. I'm one of those freaky people that loves holidays and loves to decorate the house and plan themed activites according to the holiday. Whether that actually happens is a whole other thing. I used to have the time to plan these "events" but the last few years and more so lately, things get planned the day before or the morning of. This year we got lucky the eggs were actually dyed!

As for the sugar fest, well, Easter is the one holiday that I let go of the candy/cookie rule. I let the kids eat candy all day long if they want. I know crazy but I also limit how much candy is actually available to them. As for their Easter baskets, I have to thank my dear friend V for providing old books and toys that I used to fill them up with.

It was a gorgeous day, the kids had a great time, we had lots of yummy food and we still had a day off the next day...a much needed day of relaxation.

Deep in concentration...Seena is trying to paint on the eggs

Finished work of art

messy fingers

on the hunt...

Easter kids

are there more?

Ya Ya and the kids

Spring AKA Sugar Break 2010 (Part 2 of 3)

Today's stroll down Sugar Break 2010 takes us to Hershey Park! The meca of all chocolately goodness!!! Fortunatley/unfortunatley - depends on who you ask (G is still shocked that I didn't bring him back any candy --(it's Hersheys, you can get that at anywhere for I'm sure 1/2 the price)) we didn't buy any chocolate but we bought everything else. Anyway, back to the story...I decided to take the kids to Hershey Park over Spring Break...by myself :) Surpringsly, it went well! Even AJ did reasonably well, even without a nap. The hardest part was trying to keep my eyes open on the drive back home.

This was the first amusement park for AJ and from the looks of it he loved it! I actually got to ride 3 adult roller coasters, one of which went straight down and the other shot you off like a rocket. Wooh! Of course, I had to bribe my little angels with some ice cream in order to wait in line without any "episodes". Seena even drove the Classic Car by herself. She was very nervous and got a little anxious when she noticed the "back-up" behind her but she did great. And her defense, her foot WAS all the way down on the pedal :)

It's interesting, as little as 6 years ago I would have been upset that I didn't get to ride everything at an amusement park but this time, I simply enjoyed watching my kids have the time of their lives. It was a lot of fun and a lot of laughs!

I know AJ and probably Seena are too young to remember but hopefully with the 50 million pictures I took they'll be able to see all the fun we had.

Teen and her three other friends. Seena loved being "part of the girls".

AJ's first ride! He looks thrilled, can't you tell?

This is the 2nd ride. This one is a little better :)

I lied, this ride was the only ride AJ did not not get on. Seena gets brave and rides with her hands up!

Teen and Seena

Whoa!!  This one just makes me laugh every time :)

This is one of my favorite pictues. This ride was so cute. It was a bunch of mini trucks on a track. The kids got a 2nd wind 20 minutes before the park was going to close and they ran from ride to ride trying to get one last in.

Great memories!

Happy Birthday to Me!

I love birthdays, especially mine :) Ha! I said it. I admit it. I love it, I love the attention. It's not even the gifts really, it's just for the simple fact that for one a day a year, only one day, it's all about me :) I deserve one day, right?

I know it's totally silly but that's me. If I had the time and money I think I would throw myself a BIG party every year. Hahaha! But why shouldn't I celebrate? 36 years ago I was born and I'm still alive today, happy and complete as ever!

Life brings me total joy and on my birthday, it is all about life!

Happy Birthday to ME!

Spring AKA Sugar Break 2010 (Part 1 of 3)

I've been a little behind on posting...I have not recuperated from our Road Trip to Hershey Park yet. So for now, I will copy Ms. Danifred's posting of Spring Break activities part by part...stay tuned :)

I think for 2010 we need to rename this year's Spring Break to Sugar Break...literally. The week started off good and healthy but ended in a mass of chocolately, jelly bean, sugary hell heaven....

Our Sugar Fest started with the Circus. This was a special night as it was the first night in a VERY long time that G had off and we (G, Seena and I) went on a date together. It was great! I think Seena is going through the middle child syndrome so it was so nice to be able to have a special night that was just centered around her. Seena has never been to the circus so it was wonderful to see her excitement at all of the tricks and show animals. Her favorite were the little dogs.

From the moment we walked in the door G bought Seena a bag of cotton candy that cost almost my whole paycheck (yes, it's a bit exaggerated but you get the point) and a box of popcorn. Just these two items alone were $19. These prices rival the movie theater! At intermission G began scoping the aisles for the concession men passing out delicious goodies. I swear, he's worse than a kid sometimes. Unfortunately, I was no match for G and he bought Seena a "Smore on a Stick". I mean, really, do I need to tell you how that, on top of everything else, affected Miss Seena?

Ding, ding, ding...if you guessed "crazy" you are correct! Seena literally went into sugar shock and was bouncing around as if she had 3 shots of espresso. The poor girl could not sit still and she couldn't stop talking....gibberish nonsense. Oh, and I forgot to mention she drank at least 1/2 of my gigantic, which was the smallest size available, diet coke. It, she was crazy.

BUT besides that it really was a great night.

P.S. I would post some pictures (some really cute ones too) but I accidentally deleted them off my camera before saving them on the computer. Not nice :(

Love Thy Sister

Dear AJ,

I am so glad that I get to see you follow around in your sister's footsteps...literally. One of my daily greatest joys is watching you adore your sister. You show that love through playing with her, I suppose biting her too has some affection as well, I mean this whole phenomena on vampires has to come from some love right? My favorite, however, may have to be how much you copy her and her every moves. It is so precious.

I figure that this adoration will not last forever, as you are a boy, and soon Seena will have cooties or some other annoying gross girlie germ that you will not want having anything to do with. Therefore, I've a compiled a little list of all the ways you show how much you really love your sister.

I see it when you cry for her after she gets dropped off at school.
I see it when I give you a cookie and you ask for one more for Nena (Seena).
I see it when you have to have the same type of spoon that Seena has at dessert
I seen it when you follow Seena and copy her every move, whether she touches the couch a certain way or looks out a certain window
I see it when you carry your own blankie....(or you steal Seena's) when she carries hers around
I see it when you copy her dance moves or karate moves
I see it when you sneak in her room and crawl into her bed.
I see it when you play dollies with Seena
I see it when you run and hug Seena when you are scared, especially of the vacuum.

There's no denying it sweet boy.....you really do love your sister.

Just wanted to let you know...in case you ever forget.

All my love,
Mommy

Wordless Wednesday

Seena's picked out outfit for the next morning. Little Ms. Hannah Montana in the making!

Our Own Food Revolution

Ever since Seena was born I would like to say that I've been conscience of what types of food I bring in the house. It really started with simple things like not buying foods that had a million ingredients, I tried to keep things a bit more "natural".

Now a days I've become consumed with trying to educate myself and my kids (hubby is a alot little tougher) on what is best for us to eat. I am soooo fascinated by the power of what foods can do for your body, your overall heath and everything in between. I understand what NOT to eat....that's easy but trying to figure out AND remember what does what is a bit of a challenge. But once I slip in a "goodie" into the kid's diet AND they like it...MAJOR SCORE!

I keep a list of all of the "Super Foods" on our refrigerator so I can try to eat those on a regular basis. We're doing pretty good except for the salmon...Teen hates it of course. She wants me to load up on all of the bad stuff but I just can't. I've agreed to some things like Hot Pockets, brown sugar pop-tarts and sugary cereals. I don't buy sodas and I only have one option of cookies in the pantry. I know my kids, especially Teen, would love it if our pantry was filled with processed food yumminess but I just can't do it to them. Bad health (disease, cancer, sickness, etc) is one of my deepest fears and I want my kid's bodies to be tough, bad-health fighting machines.

In my quest I've definitely had some major crash and burns...like the Spinach Soup. Other times I soar. One of my latest triumphs is yogurt and granola. I know it almost seems silly that kids wouldn't like this combo but you just never know...at least not with my kids. I thought for sure at least AJ would like the Spinach Soup.

Anyway, the granola is packed with all kinds of goodness. The yogurts good too, as long as it's a low sugar kind, but the the granola is the big winner here. I've found granola that has flax seed, pumpkin seed, tart cherries, almonds...all super foods. It's almost the perfect food except for the darn fat content (which I learned the hard way...thanks).
My latest, latest find was a "healthy" tortilla chip. I don't buy chips or cheese puffs or regular tortilla chips but when I saw this and tasted it I was sold! Plus it's organic and has flax in it. So awesome!! And it's awesomely delicious and the kids like it. SCORE!

And for even more interesting food revolution news:

Recently I found an article in a magazine for belly-busting foods. These are foods that actually eat away/reduce/get rid of belly fat! How awesome is that??? And it's easy stuff to eat; berries, dairy (whey), green tea, grains - LOVE me some quinoa, lean meats, etc. Since reading this article I've tried to eat as much as these certain foods as I can and I think I can tell a difference...(that is what I'm telling myself).

I even have a great visual for this wonderful belly-busting fat "diet" - little tiny belly-fat-eating piranhas nibbling away at my belly fat. I know it's gross but the visual works for me. Makes me feel like my belly is getting flatter! (ha!) I totally get that sit-ups would accomplish the same thing but since when did sit-ups become more fun than eating....anything period?

Favorite Quinoa Recipe - has replaced my morning oatmeal

2 cups milk (skim or 1%)

1 cup quinoa rinsed

2-3 T brown sugar

cinnamon

Bring 2 cups of milk to a boil. Add quinoa. Lower to a simmer, cover and cook for 15 minutes, stirring often. Add 2-3 tablespoons (to taste) brown sugar. Add cinnamon (to taste). Cover and cook another 8 minutes, stirring occasionally. Split into bowls and eat immediately or save for leftovers.

A+ in Writing

Seena has come such a long way since she started Kindergarten. By the first interim we had a conference with the teacher and she was concerned with Seena's progress on learning her alphabet. So much so that Seena got extra help at school. We also did extra things at home like tape letter labels for items around the house, we "quizzed" her on her ABC's as often as we could get away with and we looked for "letters" when we ran errands.

All of these efforts worked beautifully and Seena is doing awesome. Just like her teacher said, it would just "click" and it did. Now the class has progressed to reading and writing and it's one of the most magnificent things I've ever seen. My girl is reading AND writing! And SHE LOVES TO WRITE! She writes any chance she gets. By no means is it perfect but I can actually understand 90% of what she is trying to write.

Just this past Friday, Seena's teacher told me that Seena did an "AWESOME" writing sample. So awesome that it was read out loud to the class. That was my girl! Seena is not a star athlete or a gifted musician (yet -ha!) so I'll take these "star" moments and shout it out for all to hear. That was my girl! I couldn't be more proud!!

The assignment was to write about a special moment they had with a parent. Seena wrote about our "date" to the "theater" to see Aladdin.

"I went to a show with my mom and they plad Alanid. Wen we wr (were) weying (waiting) in lin we desded (decided) to get a drek and chips. I at (ate) cookes at hom."

Today I told Seena to grab daddy to come out and help me with the picnic table I was building for her. Apparently Daddy was taking a shower so Seena left him a note:

"Mom needs help with my bench pieces come and help mom"

It's so great! This is my girl! She's writing!

Friday Night Leftovers

• I think I have mentioned on one or more occassion how much I dislike wasting time. Today, I got off "work" early and decided to take advantage of the hour I had before picking up Seena to go for a much needed run. Afterwards, the plans were to pick up Seena, get her haircut, shop for Friday night dinner, movie night and Elena's b-day party. None of this involved any rushing. There was ample time..until I somehow, somewhere lost my only spare key to the house while running. Do I really need to tell you how badly this sucked!! I had to call my brother to come pick me up and he drove me around while I looked for my key. No luck...didn't find it. So then, I had to bother my husband on Friday afternoon (uh, happy hour) for his key. Needless to say my afternoon was ruined, there was no haircut and the rest of the evening was spent rushing.
• I'm trying to decide if I should take AJ to the circus this week. I definitely want to take Seena but he's 2. Is he too young?
• I'm in a cooking rut. I don't want to cook, I don't know what to cook and I've even managed to avoid the big grocery shopping day. I think that is part of the problem, or really, the main problem. I only buy groceries that I need for a day or two, telling myself that I'll do the "big" trip later. Well, I never go and then I stress about what I'm going to make for dinner. I used to prepare menus for the week and post them so that the family wouldn't ask me 50 times a week "what's for dinner"...I haven't done this in so long but maybe it's time I go back.
• I took the trampoline down (yeah!) and I'm anxiously waiting to build the big play gym set I bought for the kids. I secretly bought this for myself because now my kids will play IN our yard (instead of the neighbors 3 doors down) and I can also hang out IN my garden yard.
• Need to call it a night because AJ has somehow manuevered himself behind me on my chair and has fallen asleep.

Goodnight Blogger world! Visit Danifred for more leftovers.

Open Doors

Ever since our restaurant closed we've been cruising along a ride of uncertainty. G was unemployed for forever and I was (still am) working a job that was (still is) just a job. Neither one of us knew where we were heading or what we really wanted to do. The silver lining of it all was that G got to spend (and make up) for a lot of missed kid/family time. But either way, our direction in life was uncertain. I prayed and prayed for God to open doors for us. I also prayed that God make sure he threw brick at my head so that I wouldn't miss the door once it opened!

And little by little I think our door(s) are finally opening. I don't want to say too much just in case things don't go the way we want them too, especially since a big chunk of it relates to G, but for me, possibilites are opening up for me too. A dear friend of mine encouraged me and even fronted money for me to take a training course for a certification that once all is said and done, could double my salary. I am nervous about taking on something else on top of my already heavy "work load" but I am excited about the possibilities this could open up for me. Even though I've enjoyed my flexibility IMMENSELY, I've been feeling like I'm missing something. I'm no longer the career driven woman I thought I was prior to having kids, but I certainly do think that I need a job that has some meaning to me. I need this for me and my kids. Right now, Teen has no idea what I do....quite frankly, I don't think anyone really does. I know she knows that I don't like my job and that bothers me. I want to be a good example for her, especially now that she's in High School and college is right around the corner.

So, here's to open doors and hopefully new possibilities....Cheers!

Family Time

When I was growing up 5:30pm was dinner time, no ifs ands or buts about it. It was the same everyday. My dad wasn’t always there but for sure the rest of us were.

Fast forward 20+ years and I’m still doing the same thing but only with my own family now. Our dinner time is 6:30 but our “family time” is from 5:00 to 7:00pm. This means we’re all suppose to be hanging out together in the same room. I allow the TV but definitely no computers. This was certainly a lot easier when G wasn’t working and fortunately our extracurricular activities are not so crazy (yet) that we can’t keep to the 6:30 dinner time most of the time. When G is home, it’s one of my most favorite times of the day. It’s great listening to Teen and G banter back and forth. They are both so alike and Teen, as I’ve mentioned before, is picking up his humor so they totally feed off of each other.

Now that G is working 6 out of 7 nights maintaining this sacred hour is much tougher but we’re still trying to stick to it as much as possible. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not always peachy king here in the Juno household; most of the time Seena is whining over something, AJ is trying to break into the pantry and Teen sneaks off whenever things get a little “much” BUT sometimes, the good times, it’s fun. It’s funny. It’s memorable.

Tonight G surprised everyone with WII Fit. He bought it for himself primarily...so that he can exercise *insert raised eyebrow here*. But nonetheless it’s a new toy for the house and Teen was all over it. Dinner was simply pizza – nothing fancy but conversation was funny and fun. Teen and G did their usual banter and the two younger ones played nicely for the most part. I just sat back and watched and listened. It really was family time.

BUT the night got even better when Teen broke out the Wii Fit! What a hoot! I don’t think I’ve laughed so hard in a very long time. Teen chose to do a “Head Butt Soccer Ball” workout. The gist of the “workout” was that she had to “head butt” approaching soccer balls from little WII soccer players. So not only was it hysterical watching her “head butt” the air but these little WII guys didn’t just kick soccer balls. They kicked their shoes too! Obviously you were supposed to avoid those but if you were so unlucky to not dodge the flying cleats they knocked you smack on the face! Between the graphics of the “character” being knocked in the face with a flying shoe and Teen trying to dodge AND head butt was just too much!! Hysterical!

It’s nights like these that make me so grateful that I have enforced the family time rule, even if I get a few eye rolls from time to time. We haven’t quite got to the point where we’re having family game nights, I hope we will, but for now I’ll take just hanging out.

How do you spend family time?

Quiet

Quiet.

That's what it is right now. No TV, no kids, not even music. It's so nice. I haven't had a quiet day like this in a long time. I forgot how nice it is. I can actually think clearly, I think? And I'm not rushing or trying to multitask a hundred things. Sure, I got a bunch of things to do. The hubby is home too. He's sleeping but inevitably he will end up adding to my "things to do" list in one way or another. But for now, I'm enjoying this quietness guilt free.

And it's going to rain.all.day...even better...

Friday Night Leftovers

• I'm torn between wanting to sleep in tomorrow, which I probably won't be able to because it will be Saturday and for whatever reason, my kids don't sleep in on Saturdays. Anyway, besides that, I'm torn between sleep and planting my pansies. I know it's silly but I LOVE me some gardening....
• I'm almost 100% convinced I found a hair under Seena's arm. Is this normal? I thought this happened later...much later. Darn hormones in the milk! I think I may be going organic, at least for the milk. 
• Seena accused me of making her too busy. Maybe she does have one too many activities BUT in my defense, these activities are spaced out proportionately and some are not a weekly thing. So far I we have her signed up for Dance, Tae Kwon, Do, Swim, Daisies, Kids for Jesus and we’re on the wait list for Soccer. A lot of this is just for her to test the waters and see what she likes. Dance may not make the cut next year but she’s loving her Swim and Tae Kwon Do classes. I never thought Soccer would be something that she would be interested in but it’s all she wants to play when she goes outside. So, again, in my defense, I have to know if this is real and the only way to do that is to let her play a season.
• I glimpsed an article today that talked about a mother who had taught her 4 and 2 year old to 1) play quietly in their room(s) until the clock said 7, 2) they eat dried cereal for breakfast, 3) they have stickers on the remotes for the TV so they know what buttons to push....all so mom can sleep in until 8. Hmmm....yeah, that wouldn’t work for us. AJ would have every puzzle taken out and dumped, all my cookbooks pulled of shelves and he would eat everything in the pantry.
• I wonder if I'll ever get to my scrapbooks? Even with moving my craft supplies upstairs into "my" office, I haven't even touched them.
• Seena has a b-day party tomorrow that has 45 kids coming. 45! And the kid is registered at Target! I think this is brilliant because it elimates the guessing game plus I guess you have to with a guest list that size. Wow, 45!

For more Friday Night Leftovers please visit our host Sippy Cups.

Certified Professional Mom, Mother, Mommy

I know it's been written and said a thousand times but I truly think moms have one of the hardest jobs out there and just like other professionals get fancy titles behind their names, well, so should moms. I read an article eons ago about what a stay-at-home mom's salary would equate to. I recall it being around $70,000. I think it should be more. Being a mom isn't just one job, one responsibility; it's all jobs and all responsibilities.

It's a shame that more don't understand or see this but unless you actually live it, you just don't know. I was lucky to have a strong mom who did everything but I still didn't get ALL what it meant to be a mom. It's scary and extremely fulfilling at the same time. Moms do not get any training; there are no programs or degrees in Motherhood. The skills we learn we learn on our own.

I often wonder what Teen sees in me. Does she see a strong mom like I saw or does she see a crazy lady trying to keep her head on straight? On my worst days I like to play pretend with Teen and say "you see this, this mad house? This should be all the birth control you need. This could be your life instead of trying to convince me to let you go to Prom". Hah! Maybe that could be something that gets taught in school! Forget sex education, let's just stick our teens in a mom role for a week, that'll work much better. And I've totally gotten off topic....let's get back shall we?

Moms. Moms are:
Moms are not just chefs or cooks, we're also nutritionists. Not only do we need to know how to cook but we have to keep up with processed foods, trans fat, hormones, additives, dyes, sugar, stress, white flour, pesticides, msg...
Presidents of households. Face it ladies, we are our own Presidents. We rule the coup.
Executive Assistant to the President of households. We are also our own Executive Assistants.
Scheduler/Programmer/Logistics manager
Event Planner/Project manager
Markeing manager/coordinator/sales manager - hello Girl Scouts; Boy Scouts
Politician/Peace Maker/Secretary of Family
Bodyguard
Maid
Networker
Teacher/Scholar
Coach/Instructor/Cheerleader
Law Rule Enforcement
Psychologist/Therapists/Nurse Practitioner - at some point we will be/are dealing with mental emotional teens and every other possible boo boo or scratch.
Chaufer
Super hero - our kids think we can do anything :)
Role Model - this is the one that scares me the most. How do I know I'm doing the right thing? Especially now that I have 3 kids watching my every move. If it's not already difficult enough to BE all of those professions but we must try to at least appear that you've got it all together too. I hope my kids will read this one day and realize that being a mom, whether it's a full time job or if it's in addition to a full time job, it's the hardest but most rewarding job out there.

Nothing else compares. Nothing.

Not so Wordless Wednesday

I tend to forget how short I REALLY am until I stumble upon pictures like this....

Hello, my name is dwarf and this is my husband, Mr. Giant.

Momma, the 35 Year Old Dora

It took me awhile but I finally figured out why my son was so attached to Dora. Don't get me wrong, he has his favorite boy toys like cars and baby dolls but his favorite book is a Dora Choo Choo book and he sleeps holding a minature Dora figurerine (spelling?). I didn't get it, why Dora? And then one day out of the blue, while he was getting ready to nap and he was placing Dora next to him on the pillow, I asked him "who's that?". He responded, "Momma"

I suppose I can see the resemblance?

What do you think?

Don't Understand

I don't understand how a child that I love with all of my being can infuse me with such rage that I feel like my head is going to explode. I've NEVER known anger this way. Between the not listening, the warnings for punishments, the choices, the actual punishment and the subsequent whining, crying, screaming, crying and whining after the punishment I lose it. I honestly feel as if an angry beast is inside of me and all I want to do is scream. I know I must look like one when I've finally had it and I'm inches from Seena's face scolding her with my high pitched voice and telling her that I'm done, done, done, DONE and that I don't want anything to do with her for the rest of the night.

I don't understand.

How can I say and feel those things for something that is the most precious thing to me? Where does this anger come from? No one, not even my husband, has ever made me as mad as Seena does.

Is it the age? Is it normal?

I can see how people become abusive, when I get that angry that's all I want to do. I want to beat her, I want to beat my child. What is wrong with me?

I don't understand.

Before I went to Confession months ago, I contemplated whether I really needed to go. I wasn't a sinner. I didn't do bad things. I've never committed adultry and I certainly have never killed anyone, why did I need to go? Well, I learned that in fact I have committed all 10 mortal sins, even killing. I've killed in anger. I've killed my daughter's spirit with my anger. I may not resort to beating her but I certainly hurt her with my anger and my words.

What kind of mother am I?

I don't understand.

I don't understand how I can be engulfed with rage wanting to hurt my child one minute and then weeping over the pain I just caused the next.

I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.